From Anxiety to Freedom: How Clowning Transformed My Inner Landscape

Tout bouge / Everything Moves - Jacques Lecoq

I want to share a personal story that blends creativity with self-discovery. The journey from feeling trapped by anxiety to finding freedom through clowning has been nothing short of revolutionary. Whether you’re dealing with personal struggles or looking for a new perspective, this story may offer some valuable insights.

The Starting Point: Confronting My Inner Prison

For much of my life, I lived in a mental prison constructed from anxiety, fear, and self-doubt. It wasn’t a physical space, but the walls were just as confining. My inner critic was a relentless warden, and the bars of this prison were built from every self-limiting belief I held.

One particularly telling moment of my struggle was what I call “Frozen in the Kitchen.” Picture me standing paralysed in my kitchen, overwhelmed by a wave of anxiety. If you had walked in, you might have thought I was lost in deep thought or searching for a missing spatula. In reality, I was locked in a battle with my mind.

A Small Movement, A Big Breakthrough

In this frozen state, a quiet voice inside me simply whispered, “Move.” It wasn’t a grand revelation, just a single word. Yet, even this small action felt monumental. Shifting slightly from my position wasn’t an immediate escape from my anxiety, but it was enough to crack open the facade and let in a sliver of light. This small victory revealed that even tiny movements could start to dismantle the prison I felt trapped in.

Discovering a New Path: The Role of Clowning

Determined to find more substantial change, I decided to enrol in a renowned physical theatre school in Paris, Ecole Jacques Lecoq, known for its emphasis on movement training. It was here that I began to explore the profound connection between physical movement and emotional freedom. This experience opened my eyes to the power of movement as a tool for breaking free from my internal constraints. What I didn’t anticipate was how this journey would eventually lead me to clowning—a practice that initially seemed absurd but ultimately became a key to my liberation.

Clowning, with its red noses and slapstick humour, is often misunderstood. However, it was through this art form that I learned profound lessons about freedom:

Alicia on her way to Freedom

Implementing What I Learned

The lessons from clowning didn’t just stay with me; they reshaped my approach to life and how I help others. My mission now is to share this newfound sense of freedom. Through clowning and self-expression, I guide others in overcoming their inner prisons, helping them reconnect with their bodies, play, and move, even if just an inch at a time.

What Freedom Means to Me

Through my journey, I’ve come to understand freedom as a multi-layered concept:

• Physical Freedom: Reclaiming the body from tension and fear. Clowning taught me to move freely, releasing my body from freeze states
• Emotional Freedom: Expressing emotions honestly and authentically. It provided a space to express my emotions honestly, without filters or masks.
• Mental Freedom: Quieting the inner critic and embracing spontaneity. The practice helped me laugh at my relentless inner critic and find peace amidst chaos (my inner critic is a relentless twisted bastard).
• Creative Freedom: Exploring imagination without conventional constraints. It encouraged me to explore my imagination without boundaries or rigid rules.
• Freedom of Identity: Embracing who you truly are. Clowning helped me drop societal masks and embrace my imperfectly perfect self. This is a work in progress friends!
• Spiritual Freedom: Finding deeper meaning and connection. It aligned me with my true calling, revealing a deeper connection to life’s purpose.

If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed by life’s expectations, like you’re frozen in place, remember that sometimes the smallest movement can set you free. It’s in the act of moving—physically, emotionally, creatively—that you begin to unlock new possibilities. Embrace the absurdity and beauty of life, and discover that true freedom comes not from standing still or striving for perfection, but from the courage to keep moving, living fully, and being authentically yourself.

By sharing this story, I hope to inspire others to find their path to freedom, whether through clowning or another creative outlet. Sometimes, the journey to liberation begins with the smallest of movements and evolves into a profound transformation.

Alicia xx